29-year-old refuses to let her fiancé lend his sister $10K from their wedding fund for her wedding fund: 'You guys are already paying for your own wedding, what’s the difference?'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 13, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

It is extremely frustrating when you spend years saving up for something, pinching pennies, and biding your time, just for someone else to be given the money flat out. You could be saving for a house, hoping to be able to afford something in the $ 300-$400K range, and your best friend from high school, who has been historically bad with money, gets gifted a down payment that will secure him a dream home just in time for his 26th birthday. Life really isn't fair, and anyone who says that nothing good ever comes from handouts is just in denial about how damaging their grindset (which might be necessary for survival) is to their health. We all want our lives to be easier and our cash to flow more, but you can't deny that you learn more by saving up for big expenses than you do from getting everything handed to you.

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  • 01

    AITAH for refusing to let my fiancé give his sister $10k for her wedding?

    I'm (29F) getting married this fall to my fiancé Mark (30M). We've been together for 5 years and we've spent the last two saving like crazy to pay for our wedding ourselves. It's not over the top or anything but it's important to us and we've worked really hard to make it happen without going into debt.
    via u/YingDomo04

  • The bride-to-be in this story is doing the noble thing of saving up for her own wedding. Her brother's sister, on the other hand, is asking family members to pitch in. Instead of asking her brother for a reasonable amount of money, she's for 10 bands (not wedding bands). 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10505312256
    via Wesley Tingey (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Mark's younger sister Jenna (26F) just got engaged about a month ago. She's already planning her wedding for early next year and somehow already booked a venue. The problem is that she has absolutely no money saved.
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 04
    None. She lives like she's in a Hallmark movie. Constant brunches, weekend trips, influencer content creation full time (which is... hit or miss at best), and just generally acts like everything will magically work out.
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 05
    Now she's asking our families to "pitch in" so she doesn't have to cancel anything. And by pitch in, I mean she asked Mark to "loan" her $10,000. She literally said, "you guys are already paying for your own wedding, what's the difference?"
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 06
    Here's where I might be the ah le. I told Mark no. Like, hard no. We saved for our wedding. We made sacrifices. We held off on things we wanted to make sure we stayed within budget. I'm not about to let him throw $10k at someone who just assumes someone else will clean up after her.
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 07
    And I love Mark, but he's kind of a pushover when it comes to his family. Especially Jenna. She's always been dramatic and impulsive and he's always tried to be the one to "rescue" her. When I said no, she turned on me immediately. Said I was "trying to
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10505313280
    via Roksolana Zasiadko

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    come between them" and "making him choose" and "acting like she's not family.” She even texted me some passive aggressive crop about how some people are just "too materialistic to understand love." Ok.
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 10
    She's been blowing up the family group chat, trying to guilt him into it. Their parents are "neutral" but I know they're hoping we cave. His mom even called him and said, "it's just money, you'll make more."
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 11
    Now Mark keeps bringing it up again like maybe we could give her a smaller amount. $2k, maybe $3k, “as a gesture.” I said no. I don't care if it's $500. This is a pattern and I'm not playing along.
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 12
    AL32730338 D G7 UNITED STATE OFAMERICA 100 AL32728 D Ragel ONE HUND
    via Jp Valery

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    And now I'm the bad guy. I'm the one "blocking" the family from coming together. But I'm also the one who's supposed to marry this man, share finances, and build a future. And I really don't want to start that off by bailing out someone who hasn't even tried to help herself.
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 14
    Still, I keep wondering if I'm being too cold. I get that it's her wedding and yeah, weddings are emotional. But so is ours. And we're not asking anyone for a dime.
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 15
    So... AITAH for saying absolutely not to funding his sister's wedding?
    via u/YingDomo04
  • 16
    SadFlatworm 1436 Mom says it's just money? Let mom hand over 10k !! NTA setting those boundaries early is really important for your future marriage.
    via u/SadFlatworm1436
  • 17
    Lanky-Highlight9508 There was a time when the pressure would have been on mom. How did he get left holding the bag? This family is effed up.NTA.
    via u/Lanky-Highlight9508
  • 18
    Spark1ing Joy Probably a lifetime of catering to Jenna. It started out small at first. "Jenna dropped her ice cream, let her have some of yours." Then it became, "Jenna ate her ice cream too quickly, and now she's upset she has no more ice cream. You still have some left. You don't need all of it. Give her some so she'll stop complaining."
    via u/Spark1ingJ0y
  • 19
    Fast forward to present day, and Jenna has learned helplessness and has also weaponized her incompetence. And bro has been conditioned to be the one to pick up her slack because FaMiLyYyy!
    via u/Spark1ingJ0y
  • 20
    ...And that's why it's harmful when parents won't let their kids experience any discomfort or negative feelings. Kids don't just magically learn emotional regulation. They become adults that make their negative feelings everyone else's problem. Also, f parents who cater to one kid at the expense of another.
    via u/Spark1ingJ0y
  • 21
    MarbleousMel All I could think was if fiancé agrees to this ask, is OP really sure she wants to marry into this family? It would be a sign that fiancé will always put his family of origin above his wife.
    via u/MarbleousMel
  • 22
    amafalet If he gives in, it'd be smart to take back everything she's put into their account and reconsider marrying someone that won't stand with her when push comes to shove.
    via u/amafalet
  • 23
    Swiss_Miss_77 I'd take my money out BEFORE he has a chance to give her any.
    via u/Swiss_Miss_77
  • 24
    Barbola369 Clear NTA! This would be a deal breaker for me - I'm all for helping family in emergencies. If Jenna needed medical treatment or was stranded somewhere or something, maybe I'd be more inclined to help - but booking a wedding when you don't have the funds to do so doesn't count, and asking you to compromise your own savings and sacrifices because she can't be assed to work harder or save up is seriously entitled.
    via u/Barbola369
  • 25
    If my fiancé didn't have my back on this and allowed his family to buy and guilt trip me for saying no, I'd be saying no to marrying him.
    via u/Barbola369

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family drama entitled parents saving money wedding drama brother siblings money problems sister in law engaged wedding family sister money fiancee parents
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